Working with youngsters makes old-timer unhappy about happy hour

Q: I often feel like an outsider in this office. I am 61 years old, slightly overweight and have gray hair. All my co-workers are in their 20s and 30s. The whole group goes out for "happy hour" once every six weeks.

My boss's boss came up with this idea, and he always attends. I usually avoid these get-togethers because I don't feel comfortable with the youngsters. Recently, a good friend said this is a mistake. She thinks my colleagues and managers will think I'm snubbing them.

I had a pretty good time at one happy hour, but I've skipped the last two. Do you think I should start going?

A: When you were bopping to the Beatles and watching the first moon landing, your office cohorts weren't even born. So of course you feel different. But the more you let these feelings isolate you, the more you actually will become an outsider.

Happy hours are not a job requirement, so you shouldn't feel obligated to go. However, attendance does bring political benefits.

Social interaction will strengthen your working relationships. And because your boss's boss organized these outings, he might notice who shows up — and more important, who doesn't.

Chatting with the young folks might be easier than you think. Simply listen to their stories, ask about their interests and look for common bonds. You might enjoy getting to know them.

Since your last happy hour experience went well, give it another try. A few months from now, you might wonder why you ever stayed home.

Q: Last year, I sent my resume to a top job-search agency. They placed me in a position that turned out to be a total mismatch for my background, experience and personality.

After three months, I asked the agency to help me find another job. They said that would be ethically inappropriate because my current employer is their client. However, I think they were ethically wrong to place me here.

Now this agency is advertising two jobs that fit my qualifications, so I contacted them again and asked to be reactivated. No one ever called back, and I suspect they are blackballing me. Can the agency refuse to send out my resume?

A: Applicants often become confused about their relationship with recruiters. Unless you paid this agency, you are not their customer, your employer is.

Companies hire search firms to provide suitable candidates for vacant positions. Having been paid by your company to find you, the agency ethically cannot recruit you to work elsewhere. In fact, their contract probably prohibits it.

The agency therefore has no obligation to "reactivate" you. But if you sever your relationship with this employer, they might be able to accept your resume again.

Nor is the agency responsible for ensuring your happiness with the position. As an applicant, you must decide whether an available job looks like a good fit.

Reach Marie G. McIntyre at www.yourofficecoach.com.