A perfect Mother's Day gift list

DARLINGTON — It's still not too late.

You can make this Mother's Day sweeter than sweet potato pie.

So many Mother's Day opportunities at Darlington, so little time to come up with that perfect something.

The conventional options simply don't compare.

Anyone can swing by the mall after work.

A real man springs for tickets to tonight's sold-out Dodge Challenger 500 at Darlington Raceway, even if it means digging deep in the Harry Byrd Highway secondary market outside the Colvin Grandstand.

Some women appreciate a ho-hum diamond bracelet.

A real woman would rather eat fried dough in the Darlington infield.

Risk that look of disappointment that comes with "Oh ... Thanks, honey, another gift card ..."

Or gift-wrap a Greg Biffle ballcap around a pair of tickets to seats located across from pit row and get ready for the most passionate kiss of your life.

Steak and crabcakes can wait.

Pork loins beckon.

Standard advice: Never present a vacuum cleaner on Mother's Day.

One word: Junior.

Mom's 'Hot Pass'

Send flowers.

Or stop by the gift shop — any one of 271 Darlington County outlets will do — and buy her an official NASCAR Sprint Cup Series T-shirt to replace her official NASCAR Nextel Cup Series T-shirt.

Why waste money on an overnight babysitter just for a romantic night on the Charleston peninsula when you can pitch a tent between RV loads of Jamie McMurray fans?

Any ol' significant other can plunk down a few thousand bucks for a long chain of gold.

Better, however, to extend joy over 1,229 feet of Darlington backstretch.

Party conventionally, if you insist.

Or crash a party behind the corporate tower, insisting that you know Bobby Labonte.

Your idea of a hot time on the town — yawn — probably means dinner and a movie.

An official Darlington "Hot Pass" means you get to wander into the garage area and watch guys rebuild entire engines in 22 seconds flat.

A new bank account?

Or a 25-degree corner bank?

Tired of the same old gift attire?

Try a tire. Yeah, buddy, they sell used Goodyear racin' Eagles right outside the raceway.

Fine plastic china

C'mon, what are the chances of bumping into a real, live celebrity in West Ashley, North Charleston, Mount Pleasant, Awendaw ... OK, you're right, maybe Kevin Costner gets lost sometimes and need directions.

But here, there's always that possibility of rubbing elbows with Sterling Marlin or maybe someone from Juan Pablo Montoya's pit crew.

Perhaps your love is like a red, red rose.

If so, you know a woman who attends races wearing a Martin Truex Jr. tank top will thoroughly appreciate your gift of a Costco-sized tub of sunscreen.

Fine china, schmina.

Darned if those sturdy Dodge Challenger 500 souvenir plastic beverage cups don't last until next year's race.

If you fail to buy just the right thing, your polite wife suffers silently.

If things go wrong at the track, she can always boo Kyle Busch.

A restaurant on Mother's Day or Mother's Day Eve probably means a long wait.

Worst-case scenario at Darlington: Your favorite driver gets bumped out of the race by Tony Stewart in lap 42, you leave early and can choose from dozens of virtually empty restaurants within a 50-mile radius of Jeff Gordon.

Reach Gene Sapakoff at gsapakoff@postandcourier.com.