Sinko de Mayo

If you're scoring the illegal immigrant death match at home, it's Senate Republicans 1, House Republicans zip.

Game over.

No matter what, if anything, the Legislature does about this latest hot-button, knee-jerk issue, Senate Republicans are going to be able to mosey onto the campaign trail with a little strut in their step.

"We gave 'em the toughest anti-immigrant bill in the nation, and them yellow bellies wouldn't pass it," they'll drawl. And maybe spit, too. "I did all I could do."

House Republicans will be left to explain the fine print of the Senate's over-the-top, apocalyptic bill, and in doing so they'll sound like they're waffling — you know, they way Democrats sound when they try to point out something that might make sense.

But the majority of voters today don't read the fine print, aren't interested in it, can't be bothered with the details.

Game over.

Normally, just about every two-bit bill that goes through the General Assembly during an election year could be titled "The Incumbency Protection Act of (fill in the year)," but this session is different. Protecting your fellow soldier is out the window; this is about self-preservation. And it's already May; session is over in June.

See, the Republicans are torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool. Now, while you try to get that wretched song out of your head, consider the pickle they're in.

The GOP has always been the party of business. On the federal level, that sometimes means subsidies for poor little start-ups like the oil and sugar industries, but at the state level it's usually been a fairly innocuous policy of do-no-harm.

Problem is, the Republican Party came to power here not by convincing Bubba that small businesses deserved greater tax breaks, but by blabbing on about stuff that has nothing to do with state government — flag-burning, gay marriage and term limits (where's that golden oldie these days?).

Usually that's not a problem — politicians prattle on about any old thing to keep the masses distracted, and business hums along without a problem. Everybody wins except the folks at "War on Christmas" headquarters, wherever that is.

But now, the Republicans' wives and mistresses are at odds, and it's hard to keep both happy (ask any one of many politicians!).

The Senate has played this one smart. The people "demand" action on illegal immigration, so dadgummit, let's give it to them. The wiser ones know this is unworkable, but are playing to the crowd.

They know there's no way the House can go along with something that would fine businesses $10,000 per instance of hiring an illegal immigrant worker. The truth is that a lot of business now depends on that labor, and a just couple of fines would shut down many small companies.

Does that mean they should keep on hiring illegal workers? No. It's just means that it's more complicated than the average Jerry Springer viewer imagines, and there is no easy solution. Think how much your dock would cost if "Americans" built it.

But the Senate knows voters don't read the fine print, or put much of anything into context. So they can spew hellfire and damnation and then call the House and governor a bunch of wimps soft on thinly veiled racism, and claim victory.

And there's nothing the other guys can do to recover from that, short of looking like Democrats.

Well played, senators.