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It Beats Working |
Bill on Movies |
The doooooooooork boat!
AP
Bryce hopes this cruise is as fun as the last one he went on.
After being engaged for nearly a year, the big date is finally here. That magical time when kindred souls come together to create memories that will last a lifetime. Of course, I'm talking about my bachelor party. That's right, in less than a week I'm headed off with a bunch of friends for a weekend of fun. As for the venue, well, we're headed to ... ... Vegas? (*BUZZ*) ... New York City? (*BUZZ*) ... Hooters of North Charleston? (*BUZZ*) ... The Bahamas? (*DING*DING*DING*) That's right, me and seven of my closest pals are going on a cruise. And while that might sound fancy and luxurious at first, after you think about it for a second, you realize, wait, it sounds fancy and luxurious. Definitely not the two words I imagined when describing my bachelor party. Drunk and incarcerated, sure. Fancy and luxurious? Not so much. So why a cruise? Why not go someplace where you can see a city, experience its nightlife and culture, by which I mean professional dancers? Well, that's because when you're dealing with a bunch of guys via e-mail, this is typically how things go:
Subject: My bachelor party
From: Bryce Donovan bdonovan@postandcourier.com
To: undisclosed recipients OK guys, I'm trying to figure out what's the best date for this thing. E-mail me back with what works for you.
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Subject : Re: My bachelor party
From: Typical guy 1 8yearold@poopjokesarehilarious.com
To: undisclosed recipients
Jenna Jameson!
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Subject : Re: Re: My bachelor party
From: Bryce Donovan bdonovan@postandcourier.com
To: undisclosed recipients
I actually meant what dates ON THE CALENDAR worked best.
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Subject : Re: Re: Re: My bachelor party
From: Typical guy 2 8yearold@poopjokesAREhilarious.com
To: undisclosed recipients
No doubt, man. Hey, did you ever see that one where Jenna's cable goes out and ...
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So eventually you just make a decision on your own and tell everybody when to show up. As for who I invited, well, all my friends went through a rigorous interview process that typically ended with me saying, "Well what if I agreed to pay your way?" Truth be told, I have no idea what to expect on this thing. Well, except that it will probably be pretty tame. That's because most of my buddies are married with kids. Their idea of a good time is getting to check the score of the game in between commercials on "Dora the Explorer." That said, I'm sure there will be at least one instance of: --Someone drunkenly singing "The Love Boat" during karaoke night --My fiancee "accidentally" bumping into me on the ship ("Oh, wow, you're here too Bryce? What an odd coincidence. So, how are things going? Faithfully?") --Sun poisoning --Alcohol poisoning --Rat poisoning (don't ask me how, but it'll happen; my buddy Reid isn't the brightest bulb in the box) --my mom popping out of a cake --Speedo-induced vomiting --Indecent exposure (most likely related to Reid wearing a Speedo) So it should be a good time. Which is exactly how it's supposed to be. After all, a guy only has one bachelor party. Per marriage.
Bryce Donovan is such a weenie the craziest thing he'll probably do is use SPF 30 instead of 45. Reach him at 937-5938 or bdonovan@postandcourier.com.
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