'Guitar Hero's' lure confusing when you can play a real one

'Guitar Hero"? More like Guitar Loser.

"Dude, I was killing it in expert last night, you should have seen me rip it up!"

"Oh, yeah, bro, that's so gnarly!"

Talk about "Madden," "Grand Theft Auto," "Halo," anything. But "Guitar Hero"? Spare me. Most people have an excuse not to participate in a video game's real-life equivalent, but I'm still waiting for "Guitar Hero."

For those not familiar with the game, which was released in 2005, be thankful, and then continue reading to find out how it works. Players hook up the game's miniature guitar to their game system and press the colored buttons at the end in coordination with the strum bar when the color or combination of colors appears on the screen. You earn points for hitting the buttons on cue, but herein lies the game's glitch: You don't earn points for turning off the PlayStation and picking up a real guitar.

I tried "Guitar Hero" once, and, thank God, I was terrible. The experience was as confusing to me as playing a real guitar, so why would anyone waste time playing the game? Well, most people find it far easier than playing guitar, so I've accepted that I'm simply video-game deficient. Although I'm not into video games, I see why people play them. We can't always play football because of weather or injuries. Nor can we legally mutilate bystanders with flamethrowers or battle invading aliens. But when can't you play guitar?

Exactly.

Can't afford a guitar? A decent used guitar costs less than any game system. Most parents are willing to pay for guitar lessons, and if they aren't, find a guitar-playing friend who can teach you.

Don't have enough time to learn guitar? The average Guitar Loser plays at least three hours a week. In that time, you can master 20 or more songs and feel on top of your fantasy world. Or, in a year, you could play a real guitar for that same amount each week and know a couple of songs. After another year, you could be good enough to pick up any tab and master the song within a week.

I understand some people aren't going to pick up a real guitar because they know they are going to get bored with "Guitar Hero" within a few months, and learning to play a real guitar will take a couple of years.

One of my friends has been playing "Guitar Hero" since 2005 and "kills it on expert," one of the highest honors for a player. But can he play a real guitar?

No.

For another, the lure for "Guitar Hero" is the "fantasy element of getting to rock out in front of a huge crowd."

It all stems from our need for instant gratification. For those with patience, one day they will actually rip it up in front of a real crowd. Instead, my buddy's greatest thrill is a combination of pixels on a TV screen and a machine's song recording.

"Guitar Hero" has become so popular that Harmonix Music Systems put out four versions and created "Rock Band," which includes a singer, bass player, guitarist and drummer. At least this game brings people together, but the concept is still the same.

The other day, a friend of mine who knows I dislike "Guitar Hero" told me he "ripped up 'Guitar Hero' last night." I congratulated him for finally trashing the game.

"Wait ... what?"

If you had the same response, then you've been playing way too much "Guitar Hero."

Noah Smith is a senior at Academic Magnet High School. Reach him at noahsmith7@gmail.com.