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A man in command of his A-B-3's

Brad Nettles
The Post and Courier

To the untrained eye, it would appear that these children have fallen asleep because Bryce's stories are about as exciting as a passage from the Physicians' Desk Reference, but he insists they are simply resting their eyes.

I'm great with kids.

You know, except for all the swearing. And screaming. And violent mood swings.

But other than that, I'm great. Seriously. I love kids and they love me.

As for why this is, I have a few theories. The main one being: We both find the word "duty" absolutely hilarious.

So when the Charleston County Public Library sent out an e-mail asking if I'd like to read to a bunch of first-graders, I immediately asked how I could help. And then realized I was talking to a computer monitor. So I decided it might work better if I sent them an e-mail. In it, I conveyed my interest to participate in what was being billed as "Read Across America Day." Or, as I like to call it, "About a 1 in 5 chance Bryce will inadvertently mispronounce a word like 'shift' in front of a bunch of 6-year-olds and then they (along with Bryce) will giggle uncontrollably for the next four to six weeks."

But before I could sit down and read to the kiddies, the people in charge asked what my favorite Dr. Seuss book was. Luckily they gave me choices, or else I would have been in trouble. Because the truth is — and I'm somewhat embarrassed to even mention this — I never really read any Dr. Seuss when I was a kid. Now for what it's worth, I was home-schooled and on my parents' budget we could afford only the less successful Mr. Seuss series (These were believed to be published before he got into medical school.). But still, it's not something I'm particularly proud of.

That said, I ended up choosing "Mr. Brown Can Moo! Can You?" Why, I'm not quite sure. OK, I'm completely lying. I chose it because I was told it featured lots of audience participation and my thought was that might make up for the fact that I am a terrible storyteller. Which reminds me, one time, when I was in high school, I had this friend who did this really cool thing with all this stuff and it was totally awesome.

In the days leading up to my big read, I decided to do a little preparatory work so I wouldn't look like a complete idiot who knew nothing about Dr. Seuss. So I headed over to Barnes & Noble to familiarize myself with the book I'd be reading. But as it turns out, there isn't a CliffsNotes version of "Mr. Brown Can Moo! Can You?" So I just decided to wing it instead.

When I arrived at the Charleston County Main Library (its motto: "We ain't skeered of no Internet."), I met with Catherine Threadgill, the director of children's services. She politely asked me to "SHHHHHH! Be quiet!" Just kidding. She actually asked if I'd mind wearing a "Cat in the Hat" hat. I agreed and immediately put it on because, A) I knew the kids would get a kick out of it, and B) according to Threadgill, it made me look "smoking hot." At least that's how I interpret "like a goober."

As I took my place at the front of the room in the big wooden chair, wearing my big woolen hat, I looked out at the sea of expectant little faces waiting for me to entertain them. As I began reading, my nervousness quickly faded as I realized these kids were captivated by the book. They loved how Mr. Brown could go like a cow ("Moo"), a bee ("Buzz") and a rooster ("Cock-a-doodle-doo"). They also loved how Mr. Donovan could shout ("I asked for Dasani, not Aquafina!"), laugh (tee-hee) and get completely into character ("I'm sorry, what page were we on again?"). For nearly 10 minutes, we had a great time laughing and shouting as we enjoyed one of Dr. Seuss' classic works.

For those of you out there who have never read "Mr. Brown Can Moo! Can You?" you should check it out. I won't spoil the ending, but I'll tell you this: Whether you are 6 or 86, Dr. Seuss will definitely make you laugh.

Even without using the word "duty."

Bryce Donovan made up some parts when he couldn't figure out what the words were. Reach him at 937-5938 or bdonovan@postandcourier.com.

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