Ease into school

Grace Beahm
The Post and Courier

Diamond Reese, 7, waves at friends as she arrives at Sanders-Clyde Elementary School with her brother, Patrick Reese, and mother Jocelynn Reese on the first day of school in August 2006.

If your child is starting elementary, middle or high school this month, chances are he's excited and scared.

Some of his concerns might be valid, but others could seem a little outlandish to a parent. Even so, he should be taken seriously. With every passage to a new school, students encounter fresh challenges, academically and socially.

While these transitions once were thought of as no big deal, researchers now say they can set the tone for the student's future. Here are some ways to help your child succeed at every level.

Elementary School

If your child is starting kindergarten, he is getting ready to take the first big step in his academic career, and he probably is nervous and excited about that first day.

Until recently, the start of school was considered routine. Many students never saw their school until the first day, let alone visited their classroom.

But now researchers say the student's experience with the transition can set the tone not only for the year, but for his entire academic career. Groups such as the National Association of Elementary School Principals are researching transition programs between preschool and kindergarten. The idea is for adults to help students stay connected to their education from the time they start school.

When starting school, stress is normal, but should pass within a few days or weeks, Mental Health America says.

Your child's trepidation could be fueled by your own attitude about this milestone.

"When Charlie started kindergarten, I think I was more nervous than he was," Eva Long of Mount Pleasant says about her son, now 8. "He had been to preschool, but it was at our church so it was all very familiar to him. Starting kindergarten meant going to real school. I tried not to let him know how I was feeling."

Experts say those first few days are especially difficult for first-time parents, many of whom just don't want to let go. Don't let your

own emotions influence your child's feelings about starting school, says Charleston family counselor Virginia Griffin. Point out that you, too, have felt nervous about starting something new, such as a job.

To help make the first few days go more smoothly, here are some things to do before school begins:

--Read books about going to kindergarten.

--Adjust your child's schedule so he can get used to an earlier bedtime and wake-up time. Practice the morning routine.

--Visit the school and find your child's class, restrooms, cafeteria and playground to familiarize him with his surroundings.

On the first day, parents should say a quick goodbye and make their exit.

"It was hard to leave him there," Long says. "He wasn't crying, but I was teary. I stood in the hallway with the other mommies for a while peeking through the door, but then I decided I just had to let go, as much as I didn't want to."

But leaving your child at school doesn't mean he is moving on without you. Many parents find that being involved helps both them and the child. Elementary schools typically offer many volunteer opportunities for parents, from PTA programs to stuffing envelopes and being a room mother.

Children whose parents are more involved with their education have higher achievement, are better adjusted and are less likely to drop out of school, according to Mental Health America.

"It's a tough tug-of-war," Long says. "You want to let go and let your child grow up, but at the same time, you want to be there. I like being involved and knowing the other kids. I think that's important, and I plan to stay involved even in middle school and high school."

Middle School

The transition to middle school can be more daunting than starting kindergarten.

The child has become comfortable in elementary school. He is familiar with the routine and feels safe. But middle school is big and unfamiliar. He has more teachers and a heavier workload, literally and figuratively.

Last year, he was the Big Man on Campus, and now, he's just a sixth-grade pipsqueak. He might be worried.

"As a parent, you should know that it's normal for students to feel anxious at first," says Summerville family counselor Sherry Young. "Listen to your child and don't discount her feelings. You might feel that she is worrying needlessly, but these issues are real to her."

How can you prepare a child for the changes middle school brings? It helps, Young says, to discuss the ways middle school is different from elementary school: The school likely will be bigger, there will be more students and they will change classes for each subject. Students will have more freedom in the halls and opportunities to join clubs or athletic teams, but there probably will be less playtime during the school day.

Middle schoolers usually have more homework than elementary students and are expected to be more responsible. Often, this is their first experience using a locker, and they must learn to plan ahead for what they will need for each class.

A parent can help by being supportive. Attend orientation or back-to-school night, or visit the school during the day to acclimate your child. She might feel more comfortable if she knows her way around and has met some teachers.

Complicating things is the fact middle school is a time of physical change for a child, too. Children are undergoing the physical and emotional changes of puberty, which can turn Mild-Mannered Mindy into Maniac Mindy.

Middle schoolers are easily embarrassed and might not want to be seen with their parents. Friends become more important, social issues become the priority and cliques form.

"Sixth grade was the worst year," says West Ashley mom Mary Louise Murray. "There was constant drama. One day, you're friends with this person, and the next, they hate you. As a parent, you want to get involved, but you have to let your child work things out on her own."

The phone and computer are the primary methods of communication for middle schoolers. Your child probably will e-mail and text with kids he might not speak to at school.

Parents of middle schoolers also tend to be less involved in the school. Often, if they didn't work full time during the child's younger years, they have returned to the work force. In addition, many will have younger children and still be active at the elementary level or they will think they should back off to encourage independence.

But experts say it's even more important to be involved during this time. Parental involvement also is a buffer against depression, eating disorders and alcohol and substance abuse, according to the NYU Child Study Center in New York.

"When my daughter started middle school, I didn't plan to volunteer," says Murray. "She didn't really want me there, and I didn't think the teachers needed help. It turns out there were still plenty of volunteer jobs, and helpers were needed and welcomed.

"As for my daughter not wanting me there, I stayed in the background and didn't talk to her unless she talked to me first. There were days when we didn't speak, but I think she found it comforting having me there."

High School

Just as your child gets settled into middle school, it's time for another transition: high school.

Again you might see some nervousness or apprehension from your child. He might be worried about being picked on by upperclassmen, having harder classes or getting lost in a bigger school.

"When I started high school, I was afraid that the upperclassmen would pick on freshmen," says Tyler Gordon of Summerville, now a Clemson University student. "The first few days, if I got lost, I was afraid to ask for help because I thought they would tell me to go the wrong way."

Parents can ease those fears by visiting the school before the first day. If your child has his schedule, follow it from class to class. If this isn't possible, see if your school has a map your student can use to plot his day.

Many students also struggle academically while they're finding their bearings. They might struggle with self-discipline or time management. To ease the transition, many local high schools, including Stratford, Summerville and West Ashley, have freshman academies, which provide ninth-graders with an easier transition by assigning a team of teachers to work with a group of students.

That's important because introducing freshmen to their new surroundings and connecting them with people can mean the difference between graduating and dropping out, according to Education World.

At the high school level, there is even more freedom than in middle school. Students can take advanced classes or electives, join special-interest clubs or try out for a sport. They might have the freedom to eat lunch anywhere on campus. They will experience new ideas and more diversity.

"Talk to your child about all of the opportunities there are in high school," says Charleston family counselor Virginia Griffin. "Figure out what she's interested in. Discourage her from joining a club or team if her main reason for doing so is because that's what her friend is doing. And help her narrow her choices so she doesn't become overscheduled."

Socially, high school also brings about lots of changes. There's dating, getting a driver's license, a first job. "Teenagers have so much going on, they often need advice and guidance from adults, as much as they may act like they don't want it," Griffin says.

Parental involvement is key. When parents are involved in their children's high school experiences, students achieve more, are better adjusted and less likely to drop out, according to the National Parent Information Network's "Helping Middle School Students Make the Transition Into High School."

Schwab Learning offers this advice:

--Encourage a child to join activities compatible with his interests and talents.

--Enable a child to join in social activities.

--Encourage a student to choose friends based on compatibility not popularity.